Cooking Steps

You know what’s great about being Greek?

Everything. Being hung like a blue whale is awesome, especially when you do the helicopter trick and your feet actually lift off the floor. If you see me and it looks like I’m trying to kill invisible flies I’m actually just talking with my hands (or kung fu fighting…one of the two). An uncomfortable affinity to speedos or short shorts? Check. Religious iconography in the car? Wouldn’t set off on a journey without it. Crossing myself before deadlifting? Yep, do that too…but the best thing about being Greek is the food.

It wasn’t long ago I was sat in my mum’s kitchen, learning all the new swear words and not eating church bread when I came to the realization that most of the food I grew up on, the food my mum makes with the same callused hands she slapped (some) sense into me, was pretty fucking paleo.

So here are some koftas (and yeah I know it’s not strictly Greek but throw me a bone here, I’m a Mancunian Greek; I’ll grow a dodgy moustach and mug you for your trainers).

Whatchou need baby…

1kg minced lamb
A handful of mint
A handful of coriander
A tablespoon of cinnamon
Four large nad-shaped bulbs of garlic
Two teaspoons of ground cumin

Click to make me thicker…I mean bigger!
Mush up all the ingredients and season with salt ‘n pepper. Wet your hands then shape the meat into small balls. I could make the obvious balls joke here but I blew my load above with the garlic nads joke. So…yeah. Testicles.

After you’ve lovingly shaped the balls with your wet hands, stick them on a hot griddle pan, turn them once (or else they’ll fall apart) and stick them on a skewer. It’s meat! Onnastick!

Enjoy!

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